– By Kirsty Greenshields
‘The feminine’ was a term I was not friends with for a long time.
I believed anything ‘feminine’ was weak, flighty, flirty. I believed that, if I associated myself with ‘feminine’ I would give myself a bad name as a woman. Instead, I chose to disassociate completely from this side of me, and join a heavily male-dominated environment, where I constantly felt the need to PROVE myself.
Of course, I’m not saying everyone who joins a male-dominated working environment has this going on for them … but I did.
I was addicted to proving myself.
I wanted the recognition of any man who would look at me. I desperately wanted to be noticed as an ‘equal’. Likewise, I was in competition with every other woman in that environment.
If I was better than them there was more chance I would be noticed by the men.
Over a period of several years, this way of life broke me. When I submitted to my ‘broke-ness’, which had resulted in depression and dis-ease, I decided to leave the male-dominated environment. I felt lost. My identity had been stripped away, and I was left with a shell.
Inside, somewhere, was a woman, but I didn’t know her.
Slowly, I started to explore the true nature of the word ‘feminine’. I had no idea what I was doing, but I just allowed myself to be led by a part of me I had shut down for a very long time, because I perceived her as inadequate. As I did so, I started to understand that ‘feminine’ is only 50% of who I am.
I am here in a woman’s body, which means it’s important to have a strong relationship with this half of me. At the same time, it’s important to have a strong relationship with the other half – my masculine.
Some could say I had already experienced a strong relationship with my masculine – I was a ‘successful’ career woman – I had all the ticks in the box for a ‘together life’.
The reality was that, when I was more identified with that concept of masculine, I was lost. I was broken. I felt inadequate.
It was not true masculine. It was false. True masculine sets direction, and has structure, yes.
True masculine is also flexible in its structure, rather than rigid. It does not require status because it is strong. Flexibility creates stability and strength. True masculine feels, because it is connected and balanced. I did not know how to feel anymore. I had numbed myself to my true desires because I saw them as weak and whimsical.
We have shamed our true masculine and our true feminine in our society.
It’s time to restore the balance. I’ve been an army officer. I’ve been a CEO. I’ve been an energy worker. I am a mum. None of these things DEFINE me. But they are all part of who I have chosen to embody at different times of my life.
What defines me is my relationship with Who I Truly Am, at my core. As a woman, I MUST explore this, for the sake of my children.
And if I have daughters, what better way than for me to explore it with them?
As I do this, I provide them with effective role modelling of a strong woman who is not afraid to admit her perceived imperfections, and who calls on the support of other women when she is not feeling at her strongest.
As we explore ourselves with women we love we create a stronger humanity. We create a safer space for ALL to grow. We contribute to a healthier, more sustainable planet for our children.
Join me, Meg Forrester, CEO at EVOHE, and Kristy Trede, Sacred Feminine Facilitator, for a weekend of wisdom, nourishment and power at Triple Goddess Wisdom.